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Our Current Donation Appeal
Thanks to the support of donors across Ireland, Women's Aid continues to help women find the courage they need to leave years of cruelty and abuse behind them. In our current fundraising appeal, we share the story of Orla, a young woman who, with the help of Women's Aid, is putting an abusive relationship behind her. Read on to see how you can help Orla and thousands of women like her in Ireland by supporting the work of Women's Aid:
So often we're told that the signs of abuse tend to show up early on in relationships. We need to reach young women before the violence escalates, before they have to suffer through years of abuse. That's why we launched our 2in2U National Public Awareness campaign earlier this year, to break the myth that abuse only occurs in older more established relationships, to help young women recognize the signs of abuse early on in their relationships, and to give them the support they need to get out.
And that's exactly what we did, and are continuing to do, for a young woman named Orla. Countless young women across Ireland are dealing with the same horrific reality her life has become. We're here to help them find a way out, before they become trapped in violent relationships.
Our Helpline has become a lifeline to Orla. Thank you for helping us provide a safe, supportive service for women to share their experiences.I hope that after reading her story you'll make a generous gift today so that we can help young women just like her, living in fear of their boyfriends.
Like many young people her age, Orla couldn't wait to make the big step forward and start university. She was thrilled to be living away from home for the first time. And university lived up to everything Orla hoped it would be. She loved her classes and she made lots of new friends.
Then she met Colm.
He started chatting with her one night at a party. Colm was the perfect gentleman in every way - and so much fun to talk to. Orla agreed to go for coffee with Colm when she bumped into him outside of her lecture theatre just three days later. After that they would meet often, until Colm asked her out.
I wish I could tell you that the story ends here, with a happy relationship and a future full of hope.
Unfortunately, things went bad, very quickly.
They went out for several months, but the relationship never felt quite right to Orla. She wasn't ready for a serious commitment, but Colm wanted a lot of her time and attention. He'd text her all day long, checking up on her every movement. And she often found him waiting outside her classes. He'd pressurise her into avoiding her friends. Or he'd insist on going along when Orla went out with the girls. Then Colm would get angry if she even spoke to other men.
Finally Orla saw what Colm was truly capable of...
"One night when I was talking to an old school friend, a guy, he came charging over and accused me of being a complete slut. I was so mortified that I left the bar with him to try to speak to him outside away from the crowd but when we were alone he grabbed me by the hair and started dragging me along the street shouting insulting names at me."
Luckily for Orla, her friends came to her rescue ... that time. And we were there for Orla when she called, terrified, wanting to talk to us about that awful night. When a woman tries to escape an abuser, it can be intimidating ... seemingly impossible. Especially for a young woman on her own, away from home.
Unfortunately, Orla's not the only woman suffering like this. Many young women find themselves isolated in relationships with a controlling boyfriend. Often they're too humiliated or too scared to tell friends or family. They don't know where to go.
This has to change.
Without even realizing it, you might know a young woman like Orla. Someone who's frightened, vulnerable, and feeling like there's nowhere to turn. Your donation this summer can make sure that young women like Orla can call our confidential Helpline when they desperately need our support.
We answer 10,000 calls a year from women experiencing abuse. Sometimes they just need encouragement or information. Often they need help finding somewhere to escape to.
The Helpline was there for Orla when she needed it. She broke up with Colm after that awful night out, but the abuse didn't stop. The very next day he waited outside her lecture theatre for her. But Orla refused to go out with him, never wanting to see him again.
I'll let Orla tell you what happened next in her own words...
"What had been several texts a day became an avalanche and it came to the point that I felt sick every time I heard the buzz of the mobile because I knew it was probably him.
Apart from the calls I was becoming alarmed by the fact that Colm always seemed to know where I was going, who I was seeing, what I was doing. I found myself looking over my shoulder all the time and unable to focus on conversations with friends because I was always scanning the room to see if he was there - and sometimes he was.
My friends then told me that he had started spreading malicious rumours about me in college: that I was a prostitute, that I had a sexually transmitted disease, that I was a drug dealer - crazy stuff! At the same time though he kept saying he wanted me back."
It breaks my heart when women tell me they wish they'd known how to recognize the signs of an abusive partner earlier on, before their lives turned into a horror, like Orla's.
Since that terrible night, Orla's been living in daily fear of what Colm might do to her. Her whole life is consumed by his threatening presence. The man who used to be a perfect gentleman has now become her stalker. She goes out of her way to avoid him - even staying away from her classes. But maintaining a constant level of alert against him has left Orla exhausted and alone.
The last straw came when Orla found Colm in her flat, waiting for her. Even her home was no longer safe. He'd tricked her flat mate into letting him in. It was that easy.
Sick and scared, Orla went to the Gardaí to get a protective order against Colm. But it was hopeless. She learned that unless they were living together the Gardaí couldn't help her. He'd have to "do something" to her first.
Can you imagine how helpless Orla felt? With those ominous words ringing in her ears, she continued to seek help from the only place she trusts. Our National Freephone Helpline.
Thankfully she has her friends and family to rely on, but when she rings our Helpline she knows she's speaking to someone who truly understands what she's going through. As well as someone who can help her stay as safe as possible.
We discussed with Orla practical ways in which she can protect herself. Simple things like changing her phone number, or blocking Colm's number. Or parking her car closer to her classes so Colm has less opportunity to find and follow her. But she can't control what he'll do next, and she'll need our help every step of the way. With your support, we'll continue to be there for Orla.
The launch of our 2in2U campaign created a huge increase in the number of young women ringing our helpline, looking for support and advice. I'm happy to tell you that a lot more women are now aware of the signs that something isn't right with their relationship. That means a lot of young women will have the chance to get out early on. To avoid years of escalating brutality.
Today, Orla feels as though she's in a prison, wondering what Colm might do next. Is he still watching her? Will he try to hurt her?
There are women like Orla all over Ireland who feel trapped and utterly alone. We need to make sure we're here to answer their calls. More young women than ever are calling our helpline looking for support, which is creating a huge demand on our services. Your gift will help us keep up with this demand so we can be there to respond to each and every call for help. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Margaret Martin
Director
Women's Aid depends on your support
