Posted on December 08, 2017
"People will always say to you 'just leave, just leave.' It's so easy to say but so difficult to do. Looking back, the best way I can describe to you, why I stayed for as long as I did, is that it's like a drug. A drug that chips away at your confidence, pushes your friends and family away and makes you feel completely isolated and out of control, like you need him, but you don't!
That is what you have to realise, you are so much stronger than you think and your life shouldn't be like this, love shouldn't cause you physical pain. You will gain your confidence back and leave. It takes time, but you can do it.
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • 8th December 2017 • Day 14
Posted on December 07, 2017
“It was my Christmas party and he told me I wasn't allowed go to it. I had to go, I organised it and had promised everyone I would be there. He warned me I would be punished if I disobeyed him but I didn't want to let anyone down. I waited until he left the house, and then I went. I had a horrible nervous feeling all night but I tried to enjoy myself. When I came home, he was standing in the kitchen with this smug smile on his face. I knew he had done something but couldn't imagine what. My son called me upstairs and said 'Dad's after burning all your things.'
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • 7th December 2017 • Day 13
Posted on December 06, 2017
"He wanted me to get a tattoo. I got one and he got angry because it wasn't big enough. I found out that there was another woman who had a tattoo and he wanted me to be like her. There was a problem, she was petite and like a doll. Her style was very different from mine. I love my casual wear but he tried so hard to direct me towards heels and jeans with glitter and slinky tops . I began to hate going out, because what I wore became an issue and unknown to me, I was competing with a doll. The abuse was verbal, emotional and physical. I was told I was big, and the punches came when he wasn't pleased with how I looked. Here I was in my 40s getting another tattoo. He was adamant that this one had to be big. For me, it is big because the pain was bad. But he still wasn't happy because it couldn't be seen but I wanted it to be discreet.
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • Day 12 • 6th December 2017
Posted on December 04, 2017
"My mother passed away when I was a young single parent. I met this guy who instantly put me up on a pedestal. I was grieving and raising a child on my own and here was this man offering me all that I wanted; a loving family, the happy ever after that we all look for. He really wanted a child and as soon as I was pregnant, everything changed.
When I had the baby, it got worse and I realised he wanted me pregnant so he had a bit more control over me.
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • 4th December 2017 • Day 10
Posted on December 04, 2017
"I was two months pregnant and he beat me. A couple of days later, I lost the baby and he said to me, 'You must not have taken care of the baby properly. That's why you miscarried.' What a thing to say to a woman.
As always, all the blame was on me, but it wasn't my fault, I tried to protect us. I lost a second child a couple of years later.
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • Day 10 • 4th December 2017
Posted on December 03, 2017
"We met when we were 17 and ended up doing the same course in college. He was verbally abusive towards me, in person and in texts. One day, in class, I had to stand up and give a presentation and was using my phone as a timer.
As I was giving the presentation I kept receiving text after text from him telling me I was stupid, and what I was saying didn't make sense, that I wasn't smart enough to be doing the course and that everyone in the class thought the same.
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • 3rd December 2017
Posted on December 02, 2017
"I remember someone said to me 'He sure did assault the wrong woman.' I thought he assaulted the right woman as I am now not afraid to speak up through Women's Aid to help somebody else.
I cannot believe I stayed so long in that environment, I had such a lucky escape. Yet in other ways, I still can't believe I got out, with no ties, what would have become of me if I didn't get out the way I did? I don't know where I went the two years I was with him. I completely lost my voice and my independent self. I got off a plane after working and travelling the other side of the world and walked straight into hell.
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • 2nd December 2017 •
Posted on December 01, 2017
"Before my marriage, there had been a few minor incidents that he explained away, by saying I had misunderstood him. I believed him, because it made sense and the alternative would have been too crazy. After the marriage, it took two weeks before he showed me his real self. I was not ready to recognise it though. What happened shocked me so badly that it took another 10 years before I even remembered it.
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • 1st December 2017 • Day 7
Posted on November 30, 2017
"One time he dragged me in to the apartment by my hair. It was one of the few times that I fought back. I kicked him, but that just shocked and angered him even more. "Kick me, will ye?!" he shouted and responded with kicking me in the back of the head. I managed to get away from him and ran in to the bathroom. He tried to come in after me. I told him that I was seriously hurt and that my head was bleeding. This worried him and he kept trying to get in to the bathroom. He insisted I show him the blood, he wanted to see proof. That was out of fear for himself, not out of sympathy for me.
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • 30th November 2017 • Day 6
Posted on November 29, 2017
Kate adds her testimony to the Women's Voices series during the 16 Days of Action Campaign.
"I never thought it was bad enough to go seek help from Women's Aid. I thought, I'm not one of those women, there are other women that are much worse off than me. I was wrong. I was one of those women and realising it was a turning point. He used to choke me and shake me, but he never punched me, and to him this proved he wasn't abusive.
Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices 2017 • Day 5