Archive for 2016

Day 11: Children see abuse

Posted on December 05, 2016

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It's day 11 of 16 Days and we further explore domestic violence and children.

The majority of children living in a home where domestic violence is present are affected by the abuse.

Children are victims of domestic violence both when directly targeted by the perpetrator of abuse and when witnessing the violence directed at their mother. Research has shown that there is a connection between domestic violence and child abuse and that witnessing the abuse is in itself a form of emotional abuse. (Listening to Children: Children's Stories of Domestic Violence, Hogan, F. and O'Reilly M, Office of the Minister For Children, 2007)

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Permanent link | Categories: 16 facts for 16 daysday 115th December 2016

"... People will always say to you 'just leave, just leave.' It's so easy to say but so difficult to do.' - Nina

Posted on December 04, 2016

Nina

"People will always say to you 'just leave, just leave.' It's so easy to say but so difficult to do. Looking back, the best way I can describe to you, why I stayed for as long as I did, is that it's like a drug. A drug that chips away at your confidence, pushes your friends and family away and makes you feel completely isolated and out of control, like you need him, but you don't!

That is what you have to realise, you are so much stronger than you think and your life shouldn't be like this, love shouldn't cause you physical pain. You will gain your confidence back and leave. It takes time, but you can do it.

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Permanent link | Categories: Women's Voices16 Days2016

Day 10: 60% of abuse starts before age 25

Posted on December 04, 2016

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In a national survey on domestic violence in Ireland, almost 60% of people who were severely abused said that the abuse started when they were under 25 years old.

Women's Aid hears from young women when their relationship starts to feels unhealthy, often after something has happened that may have made women feel unsafe or uncomfortable. When it feels like he is just 'too into you'. We also hear from women who have been living with domestic violence for some time that the signs that their partners were possessive and controlling were there from the start. But to them and their family and friends, it appeared like they were just 'so into her'.

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Permanent link | Categories: 16 days201616 Facts for 16 DaysDay 104th December 2016

Day 9: Domestic Abuse During Pregnancy

Posted on December 03, 2016

No one ever deserves to be beaten, threatened, raped and insulted. However, nowhere is domestic violence more stark or disturbing than during pregnancy. Women's Aid is deeply concerned about the prevalence of abuse of women during pregnancy and the post natal period.

Pregnancy does not offer protection to domestic violence. In fact, international research has found that 30% of women who experience domestic violence are physically assaulted for the first time during pregnancy (Child Protection and Welfare Handbook, HSE, 2011).

The Rotunda Hospital conducted research which found that 1 in 8 women surveyed were being abused during their current pregnancy (O'Donnell et all, 2000).

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Permanent link | Categories: 16 days201616 Facts for 16 DaysDay 93rd December 2016

"...After the physical assault I googled domestic abuse. I felt sick. I read the warning signs and could relate to nearly all of them." - Debbie

Posted on December 03, 2016

Debbie

"I remember someone said to me 'He sure did assault the wrong woman.' I thought he assaulted the right woman as I am now not afraid to speak up through Women's Aid to help somebody else. 

I cannot believe I stayed so long in that environment, I had such a lucky escape. Yet in other ways, I still can't believe I got out, with no ties, what would have become of me if I didn't get out the way I did? I don't know where I went the two years I was with him. I completely lost my voice and my independent self. I got off a plane after working and travelling the other side of the world and walked straight into hell.

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Permanent link | Categories: 16 days2016Women's Voices

Day 8: Abuse increases physical and mental health risks

Posted on December 02, 2016

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Women and children experiencing domestic violence should never been portrayed as passive victims. Women’s Aid continues to be inspired by the women who use our services. Women, who are trying to live their lives, raise their children, study, work, and look after themselves and others, but who are doing so while suffering the most horrific abuse.

Women like us, like our sisters, our mothers, our friends and our workmates, whose strength and resilience in the face of unimaginable abuse and fear ultimate should not be underestimated. Yet, the impact of the abuse on the women we meet cannot be minimised or downplayed.

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Permanent link | Categories: Day 816 days16 facts for 16 days2nd December 2016

"...He once threatened me 'You might leave me, but you won't leave with that face,' and beat me pretty badly. This photo is from that night and now I'm the one burning the memory of it.” - Annmarie

Posted on December 02, 2016

Annmarie Face

“It was my Christmas party and he told me I wasn't allowed go to it. I had to go, I organised it and had promised everyone I would be there. He warned me I would be punished if I disobeyed him but I didn't want to let anyone down. I waited until he left the house, and then I went. I had a horrible nervous feeling all night but I tried to enjoy myself. When I came home, he was standing in the kitchen with this smug smile on his face. I knew he had done something but couldn't imagine what. My son called me upstairs and said 'Dad's after burning all your things.'  

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Permanent link | Categories: 16 Days2016Women's Voices

Change the Conversation during the 16 Days of Action - Postcard Series Leaving

Posted on December 01, 2016

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No one enjoys being beaten, threatened and humiliated in their own homes. But leaving an abusive relationship is fraught with difficulty. Reasons why a woman may not be ready to leave include feeling isolated, ashamed and afraid of an unknown future.  There is a growing understanding of the barriers women face when trying to end the abuse. It isn’t as simple as telling the woman to leave. Whilst the risk of staying may be very high, simply leaving the relationship does not guarantee that the violence will stop.

Many women are frightened of the abuser, and with good reason. It’s common for perpetrators to threaten to harm or even kill their partners or children if she leaves.

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Permanent link | Categories: 16 dayschange the conversationleaving

"I took him telling me loads of lies. I took him ruining nearly every special occasion I looked forward to. I took him ruining my birthdays. I took his sulking and refusing to speak to me for days on holidays." - Lisa

Posted on December 01, 2016

Lisa

"I took him pushing me, and knocking me over. I took him shoving me. I took him kicking his boot through a bathroom door where I had locked myself in to get away from his rage. I took being grabbed by the throat once. I took being called every filthy undermining name under the sun. I took him telling me loads of lies. I took him ruining nearly every special occasion I looked forward to. I took him ruining my birthdays. I took his sulking and refusing to speak to me for days on holidays.

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Permanent link | Categories: 16 days2016Women's Voices

Day 7: Children are abused

Posted on December 01, 2016

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Domestic violence continues to be a very common context in which children experience abuse, with the abuser of the mother being the abuser of the children. Research shows that the more severe the domestic violence is against the mother, the higher the risk of abuse against the children in the home.

In 2015, there were 5,966 disclosures of child abuse to the Women’s Aid National Freephone Helpline.

This figure includes 5,582 disclosures of emotional abuse14 and 281 disclosures where children were physically or sexually abused by the perpetrator of their mother’s abuse. It also includes 82 disclosures of where children were being abused during access visits and 21 disclosures of child abduction in the context of domestic violence.

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Permanent link | Categories: 16 Days16 Facts for 16 DaysDay 71st December 2016

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